Do not Lose Your Mind
Do you feel overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under a ton of pressure? You're trying too hard to make something work and focusing too much on trying to respond to others' needs and expectations? You may have "lost his head!"
My little voice still speaks often of me in cryptic one-liners. I will never forget the first time I heard the whisper quiet, "You lost your mind." And no, I had lost my mind with hearing strange voices! Instead, this cryptic one-liners reminded me that I was trying too hard to meet other people's expectations and solve their problems.
This cryptic statement that refers to an article I read from Management Consultant, Barry Oshry. This article referred to Middle Managers who begin their careers as healthy human beings, but over time become confused, weak, helpless and self-doubt, as a slide in the 'Middle Space' always torn between the demands of the people above and below ... then "losing his mind."
At that time a new contract took six weeks to facilitate a leadership series for a local college. In my eagerness to do a good job too I tried to emulate the designer program "higher knowledge" and trying desperately to solve the high-stress, problems at work of managers who were my people. Sure, I knew I had the skills and experience needed to facilitate more in this series, I had "lost his head."
Reconnect with your God
Focusing on their needs and expectations I removed from my knowledge and power. My high stress and my self-esteem plummets. Fortunately, that kind of flick "You lost your mind" helped me understand how I was eroding by comparing me and worry about what others thought, wanted or needed. This is our cue to stop, step back inside and reconnect with our own truth - our God
In taking this step back in our own authenticity and power. Here we can reformulate our views, thoughts and perspectives on what is happening and what we need. We can let go of the guilt and insecurity that we feel in trying to meet the expectations of others or to try to solve their problems. We can relax and trust in our Higher Power always there for us.
Sure, as leaders, managers, family and human beings have a responsibility to listen and to empathize with those in our circle but close is not our job to solve their problems or fulfill their expectations ... that is all part of the coaching process. Rather than trying to give answers to other people, all interested parties is better served if instead help others to reflect on their own solutions or options. This is what being a coach.
Be a Coach
We can let people know that we care about their situation and we are willing to work with them to enable them to solve their personal problem. We can listen, empathize and ask questions relevant encapsulates all the art of coaching. After careful listening and empathizing with another problem that some might consider asking the following questions if they seem appropriate:
"Have you ever had a similar situation in your life and found something that worked and what you can in this situation? This is a possibility, all the others? What results do you want? What really matters here? Would it help to break this into small steps and what do you need to change or move on? What is standing in the street and what other people or resources could help and what steps you can take from here? What will you do and when? He wants to hold you responsible for your commitments? "
Be careful not to turn into a coaching session survey! Always be respectful and kind to others and, of course, themselves. Remember that if you feel overwhelmed, lacking confidence or you are trying too hard you can have "lost your mind." Let go of confrontation and seeking to meet others' expectations and needs. Trust yourself and be a coach!
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